Siblings have helped him out, but now the help has fallen on me and my husband’s shoulders. Due to our financial position or maybe our charitable heart.
As we have already gone that route in our very first year of marriage when my husband was young and dumb, and against my wishes.

Several General Authorities books on trials helped me to have faith and the book, ‘Drawing Upon The Powers of Heaven’ was one of the most powerful, besides Neal A. Maxwell’s books. This was 31 years ago.

We have struggled for many years but blessed in our trials, to finally get to the point where we are financially able to help others and have time to do so. We aren’t wealthy, but frugal.

Anyway, we have moved this brother and his family to a house that we own that soon will become commercial property.

They had lost their new house they had bought with a large down payment from selling the house they lived in before to survive. Then right when things were getting back together, that is when the Leukemia showed up and my brother could not work anymore to make pmts on this newer house.

It was very devastating to them and my brother has been inactive since leaving home and his wife is a non-member. So their values aren’t the same as mine and they have no contact with an LDS church for help. So they were isolated from most social activity at the church they use go to as well. They were ashamed at their circumstances because they have always taken care of their needs.

Anyway, I was able to have some Missionaries see my brother in the hospital and give him a blessing. Also, a set of 6 missionaries helped to load up our cargo trailer and box truck to move them out of California. This was when my brother was allowed to leave the hospital and state to meet up with a cancer Dr in Idaho.

I can only compare it to the pioneers having to leave Nauvoo, but without the blessings of friends. While getting treatments in Idaho, the only solution was to get a stem cell transplant from a matching brother at LDS hospital in SLC, UT. Seattle was another source but farther away from us and Utah is full of our relatives.

We also helped move my brother’s adult son, his girlfriend and their little boy. They were in a bad situation as well and it was hoped that my nephew would be a help to his parents and hisr disabled adult brother who was living with my brother.

Okay, so I’m thinking all this time, that maybe the family would convert. I learned the hard way, that wasn’t going to happen. So long story short…my brother had a successful transplant not without pain and trials. I would put his name in the temple and pray for them, visit, email etc. to keep my sister in law going. They were also given a house in Park City to live in free of rent from an old employer of my sister in law, so that my brother can recover without germs. He needed to be isolated.

All of the blessings they received, was after a trial of their faith and prayers. Now my trials were the complaints from my brother’s wife about the house in Idaho. This house was my son’s first home and he had fixed it up the best he could with the time he had as he was able to find another home near us, a fixer upper, for his new wife and baby girl. So anymore repairs was left undone as this was on commercial property and we would be moving our business over to it.

Another trial was that I have other siblings that weren’t pitching in, some did at certain times. But the burden fell mainly on my family and there were complaints from my own children. I think they felt taken advantage of and was frustrated as you wrote about the Pre-K trials vs the big advantage schooling of trials.

My husband and I were fine with helping out as best we could, but we were worn down by the bystanders. I was disappointed that my ward or the ward the house is in didn’t help out. My brother is still a member but not active and of course not paying tithing.

Plus my brother’s family were stubborn to the LDS church. Very frustrating as I am the active LDS sibling helping them out. So I had to just turn it over to the Lord and not worry so much about them. Because the Lord was blessing them and making them stretch. I became the reminder of the answered prayers.

When they would lose faith I would just recall how their prayers had been answered by family or their friends left behind. They also did lose friends in this crisis as well.

So bottom line, is my brother is okayed to work in certain type of jobs, but not really the one that was saved for him back in California due to their economic problems.

They had to make a decision on how they would move back to California, and how difficult it would be and they didn’t have the income to even by a trailer.

So I would just write how I felt about the situation and the help we could & couldn’t give. I learned to not be so helpful and let them work it out and look at all scenarios. I think this is the main problem of helping someone is the control.

We are ahead of them in trials and wisdom. So to keep my sanity, I had to really let go and even get help for it, as my soul was slowly taken away from me and my family. I was working with desperate people that didn’t have the religious background and reservoirs of faith as I did, to keep them looking for the good, as they would dwell on the bad.

Anyway, they decided to stay in Idaho, the people are nicer, they have us, their one son just finished schooling in a medical service program and now have their own condo to rent. And after an externship will have a career that will bless his little family and help his parents and brother.

My SIL went to some schooling, but her biggest school was taking care of her husband while surviving leukemia. She had done well in all her trials and nursed him to health and the cancer Drs would tell her that she should become a nurse.

Well in her pursuit in some government schooling she did receive a certificate to help the elderly, but this was a stepping stone to what she really wanted to do. She finally after several applications, got a job working at a hospital admitting patients. Right up her alley, and will give her a social life, and income to provide for herself and husband.

She wants to become independent and get some type of living accomodations, but is not able to at this time and worries about living in our son’s house. My husband and I tell her she has time to get her finances in order and the house is closer to her work than her son’s condo and that will save on fuel and still give them space than sharing a condo.

I even told her I would miss her if she moved back to California or even another town. Also, I was pleased that she wants to live in a town with a lot of Mormons running around. So the Lord knows more than me and the big picture.

One more thing, we have been blessed financially and always have the money needed to help them out. We have sacrificed for them, but for what price. I have a loving brother who is alive, and 2 adult nephews a future neice and a little cousin living nearby for my granddaughter and grandson to play with.

As for my other siblings, they are having their trials now, and one is blessed from suffering from a very long trial, it is his turn to rest and have some happiness and fun.

The Lord’s timing is not our timing and we can be made painfully aware of this.

So Bro. Goddard you have hit the nail on its head and I appreciate the other posters comments.

PS-In my counseling, I have relearned to protect myself from people that take advantage of me to the point that I’m so stressed that it is a burden to me.
Also taking advice from people that do not have the full picture and think that when a family is in trouble that selling an old car is going to solve the problem. It is so easy to give advice, without lifting a finger.

Also, I have learned to be careful of manipulations. and that some people manipulate instead of asking for what they really need. It is really important to have the Holy Ghost with you all the time.

We had a poor couple in our Ward who, off and on, needed financial help. This went on for years until and creatively inspired Bishop called a very successful local business man to counsel with them.

The business man put them on a budget which included saving and even investing. The couple never called upon the church for help again. They retired with a surplus and served two missions supported by retirement funds which had accrued despite a late start.

I also know of a Relief Society who, year after year, assisted a Sister with canning peaches, even though they knew she wasn’t really sick every year, as she claimed, but over whelmed by the huge load of peaches she had secretly contracted to can for someone else. Perhaps the sister was fraudulently taking advantage of her sisters, but they, in a Christlike manner also knew she craved their love and companionship and knew no other way to obtain it.

As with everything, the Spirit, if sought in humility, will tell us how best to serve those in need.

I remember what it felt like to be the one in need. I remember the many kindnesses. [I also remember the condescension from some ward members; it helps me to remember to be kind, myself.]

I am still struggling to unlearn some of the less-effective coping skills I picked up when I was poor, but overall those years of poverty have proved to be a blessing. And it is so much fun to finally be in a position to give.