When you’ve had joy, you want it again. That’s what C. S. Lewis said. Joy is addictive. Fortunately it is also good for us.

Capturing joy is a little like approaching squirrels. When one of our grandkids spots a squirrel, they lunge toward it. Inevitably the squirrel runs away. If we can get them to sit peacefully and watch quietly, the squirrel will settle in nearby. Joy gets closer and closer.

When we chase joy directly, it eludes us. When we peacefully and faithfully watch God work, joy comes closer and closer. So joy isn’t something we seek directly. Joy is the natural byproduct of being connected with the Divine.

Joy is also unique in that it operates on a spiritual economy where abundance rather than scarcity is the natural state. And joy is contagious. Your joy does not rob me of mine. Just the opposite. Seeing your experience of joy can fill me with joy.

Understanding Joy

I would like to understand joy better. I thought I might try to collect some thoughts and ideas under three general heads:

1. What is joy?
2. What can we learn from our joy histories?
3. What principles are essential for a joyous life?
4. How can joy help us live better lives? (I call this Joy Mapping)

A growing science of joy

I have been surprised to find that even respected psychologists are interested in stuff like joy. Jonathan Haidt, a remarkable psychologist,studies scientifically something he calls elevation. See if this definition doesn’t sound suspiciously like the workings of the Spirit—and something we call joy:

• an eliciting or triggering condition (displays of charity,gratitude, or other virtues);
• physical changes in the body (“dilation” in the chest);
• a motivation (a desire of “doing charitable and grateful acts also”);
• and a characteristic feeling beyond bodily sensations (elevated sentiments). (Happiness Hypothesis, Page 195)

An invitation

As I work on ideas about joy, I wonder if you would share your thoughts about what it is, what we learn from our joy histories, the essential conditions for a joyous life, and how joy can help us live better. Are you willing to share?

It is human nature to look for the Magic Formula. Most of us are on the prowl for something that will change everything, making us slimmer, happier, richer, and more effective.

God has given us three keys. They change everything.

Vibrant faith in the Lord Jesus Christ changes our understanding of everything.

Sister Francine Bennion tells a story that continues to bless my life:

For the Dominion Day celebration in July, my parents and some friends arranged to meet in the afternoon for a picnic at Park Lake. My family and two others arrived first. Camp kitchens were filling fast, and we needed a stove for hamburgers and hotdogs. The men stayed at the entrance of the park to meet our other friends, and under a darkening sky the mothers and children walked some distance round the lake to a three-walled rectangular shelter complete with roof, two wooden tables, and a metal-covered cement stove for wood fires. A violent thunderstorm came up, splits and rumbles shaking the universe and us with light, sound, and finally a deluge. Under the sheltering roof we huddled in wonder, till an astonishing clap of brilliance, tingle, shaking, and smell came all together: lightning down the chimney and exploded our stove. Pieces of cement flew into bare arms, children were thrown against walls, purple-brown lines streaked down necks to ankles, and I ran out into rain and tall wet weeds screaming my question: “I thought Heavenly Father would take care of us?”

Let me interrupt Sister Bennion’s story. Often we humans ask ourselves “Why doesn’t He fix this or prevent that?” We face disappointments and pain. Anger grows, bitterness rules, faith wilts. Satan encourages our growing despair.

Continuing with her story:

No one was dead or permanently damaged, and my mother came into the rain answering me, “What do you think He did?” (p.108 in Bennion, Francine (1986). A large and reasonable context. In P. L. Barlow (Ed.), A thoughtful faith: Essays on belief by Mormon scholars, pp.103-116, Centerville, UT: Canon Press.)

I love the mother’s question! It suggests that, even in difficulties, God is protecting us from disaster. He is only allowing enough trials through to remind us of our desperate need for Him. Through the eyes of faith we see that God is providing exactly the challenges and blessings needed to perfect me.

We may shake our fists at heaven or we may thank Father for protecting us, blessing us, and teaching us!

In thousands of ways, Life blesses AND challenges us. Nancy and I have suffered unnumbered miscarriages. Some struggle with involuntary singleness. Some wrestle with same-sex attraction. Some are plagued by too much sexual attraction. Some are feeling the effects of poor parenting, dyslexia, chemical imbalance . . . we cannot number all the challenges that face the occupants of earth. What is certain is that each of us has different and customized challenges.

The faith that will help us turn the challenges into blessings is not thin, flavorless gruel. Faith is sterner stuff. It is the stubborn resolve to see God’s goodness in everything that happens. When God invites us to “receive all things with thankfulness” (D&C 78:19), I’m sure He is inviting us to welcome even the difficulties of life. They are designed to bless us—which we will only comprehend as we see them through the eyes of faith.

Repentance changes our relationships with God and His children . . . and prepares us for the great change!

I’m embarrassed to remember all the unkind things I did as a child. I teased my sister and tormented my brother. I snuck candy and Jell-O powder from the pantry. Of course I worked very hard to avoid detection of my misdeeds. If caught, Mom might put me in timeout. When she caught me saying something smart-alecky, she applied cayenne pepper to my tongue. (An unintended side-effect is that I love Mexican food!)

I thought of repentance as nasty and embarrassing business. The mark of success was to get what you wanted without being caught. I wish I had understood repentance as taught by a reactivated and re-energized Amulek:

And thus he shall bring salvation to all those who shall believe on his name; this being the intent of this last sacrifice, to bring about the bowels of mercy, which overpowereth justice, and bringeth about means unto men that they may have faith unto repentance. (Alma 34:15)

“Faith unto repentance.” The phrase used to bother me. I did not understand it. Now I love it! I think it means that we trust God enough to bring our messed-up lives to Him. Rather than hide from Him, we run to Him asking for cleansing and renewal.

Continuing with Amulek:

And thus mercy can satisfy the demands of justice, and encircles them in the arms of safety, while he that exercises no faith unto repentance is exposed to the whole law of the demands of justice; therefore only unto him that has faith unto repentance is brought about the great and eternal plan of redemption.
Therefore may God grant unto you, my brethren, that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you. (Alma 34:16-17)

Alma was a great model of repenting (See Mosiah 27 and Alma 36). He shows us that repentance is not a dreary, miserable business; it is liberating!

God has gone so far as to institutionalize repentance. He invites us to a weekly rendezvous with Him at the sacrament table. In partaking of the sacrament we enter into covenant. We renew the sacred pledge made at baptism.

God invites us to come boldly to the throne of grace so that we can find mercy and grace to help in time of need (See Hebrews 4:16). The 20 minutes during which we sing His praises and renew our covenants may be the most important minutes of our lives! That is when we repent and are renewed by Him. What a glorious invitation! Our weeks should revolve around that sacred opportunity to be renewed. We should run to His open arms weekly.

The Holy Ghost teaches us truth, burns out sin, and facilitates the great change: making us new creatures in Christ.

I have a letter from 1892 that my great-grandfather Ben wrote to his son while serving a 3 ½ year mission to the Maori people of New Zealand. In the letter Ben writes words of love and counsel to his 12-year-old son. I cherish that yellowed and brittle letter among my most prized possessions. It hangs in a shadowbox on the wall of my office.

I have wondered whether I cherish messages from heaven as faithfully as I do the aged letter between my ancestors. When God sends a message to me by way of His Holy Spirit, do I pay careful attention to it? Do I record it? Do I reflect on its meaning? Do I make my decisions and guide my life by it?

Pres Eyring in his great General Conference talk “O Remember, Remember” offered a challenging invitation:

Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my [friends and family]? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him. I testify that He loves us and blesses us, more than most of us have yet recognized. I know that is true, and it brings me joy to remember Him. (Henry B. Eyring, “O Remember, Remember,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 66–69)

I keep a little journal with me all the time in which I make a note of heavenly whisperings. I don’t record routine doings. This journal is reserved for the things of my soul.

I find that God teaches me more and more as I better use what He has already given me. “For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have. (2 Nephi 28:30)

One of the great tributes to God’s redemptiveness is the reality that, when the Holy Ghost visits us, He not only teaches us, He comforts us, and He cleanses us! Just as we might have expected of a messenger from God: He magnifies His calling to bless us in every way imaginable!

The three “simple” principles that we learned in Primary can change us in adulthood. The first principles are also the last principles. And the everywhere-in-between principles. They are principles with the power to help us deal with any challenge in mortality. We trust his never-failing goodness. We allow His peace to fill us. We turn our pains, failings, and disappointments over to Him. We welcome His counsel. We embrace His purposes.

God has given us the magic formula that changes everything.

* This article is a revision of a talk given to a YSA gathering in American Fork on June 7, 2008.

I have received permission to share the following interchange. I share it with the hope that it might stir some thinking and sharing.

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Dear Wally,

Here’s another notion we have in the Church that troubles me - Self Mastery. I suppose, like many things, it may be a matter of semantics. But I think that Self Mastery, like Self Esteem, is highly over-rated.

Week after week we have people show up at 12 Steps who want to get control of their lives. They seem to work on the premise that there are two choices; either get control of your life or lose control of it. The notion that what we really need and ultimately, what is required, is to give control of it to God. That third option is rarely addressed by anyone but me in these meetings. Even the missionaries called to provide the program repeatedly teach as though there were only the two options. I’ve approached them about it and by now, if you were to ask them, they’d say there were three options, but their words often betray the fact that they haven’t really internalized the third option.

I will not deny that taking control may be a precursor to giving control, just as attempting to keep the commandments is a precursor to surrendering our lives to God. Once we finally discover the impossibility of it, we must either surrender to Satan or surrender to God. It comes down to that every time in my opinion. Maybe, like you said the other day , this is just a concept that can’t be taught by anyone else but the Holy Ghost. Maybe it is just something a person must attain unto in the course of living and struggling. Maybe it’s like receiving your Calling and Election, something that just can’t be conveyed in a merit badge system that is explicable enough to
share from the pulpit.

We don’t seem to want to learn what Orson F. Whitney tried to teach us when he ansered William Ernest Henly’s Invictus with a poem of his own. What do you think?

Thanks,
Candleman

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Dear Candleman,

Your note made me think about C.S. Lewis who described himself as the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. He felt that he was draggedkicking and fighting to Truth.

That is also like Alma or Paul or . . . .

So I am not sure I would concede that we must conquer ourselves so we canthen turn ourselves over to God. That idea might be a concession to falsedoctrine–kinda like we must first get rich so we can really contribute tothe kingdom. What must happen is for us to recognize our total dependence onGod. Total. Dependence. What we turn over to Him will always be imperfect.The quality of our offering is not the question. The totality of our
offering is the issue.

I love how Ammon said it: Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength Iam weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God,for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles
we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

I think that Satan always wants us to stir a little silliness into theTruth. I think that self-mastery–as commonly understood and taught–is adistraction. A better description is the Lord’s (He has a way with words!!)delivered through beloved Joseph:

Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that liein our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to seethe salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

We do the little that we can. But the hinge point is to stand still with the utmost assurance. Then and only then will we see the power of God manifest–in our lives and in the world around us.

Blessings to you,
Wally

Somewhere along the line I started regretting many circumstances and choices of my life. I was sorry that I had been raised in Emigration Canyon where I missed out on the normal social life that my peers enjoyed at the high school 11 miles away. I regretted choosing physics as my college major and teaching high school for a dozen years before discovering my true love of developing family programs. I grieved that I was not more dignified like my model physics professor, Jae R. Ballif.

I don’t remember what it was that finally pierced my theme of regret. At some point I asked myself if those circumstances and choices might be a blessing rather than a burden. Phew! As soon as I turned from grieving to appreciating, my mood changed.

The heavenly view of things

Living in Emigration Canyon may have stunted my social development, but it gave me glorious opportunities to learn lessons of peace and joy from Mother Nature. We created a raft, a rope swing, and a treehouse. We had pet dogs, skunks, and squirrels. We climbed, explored, and rejoiced. I suppose God knew that I needed all these experiences first and foremost. Social development could wait.

I cannot say that I use my physics training very often. But I am glad for what I learned about the world around us and the laws that govern this universe. Physics provides me what Einstein called “a cosmic awe of the universe.”

The years I spent teaching high school can be framed as distraction and delay or a glorious preparation for my life’s work. It taught me vital lessons about teaching. I am sure now that it was a blessing.

I don’t have Jae Ballif’s dignity, but, in my 30’s, I finally realized that I have different gifts. I have exuberance. I will never be him. He will never be me.

None of this is really about luck; it’s about faith. I believe that God perfectly designs our lives to get us from where we were in our pre-earth lives to where we yearn to be.

The Master Teacher

Consider God to be a classroom teacher. He provides exactly the lesson we need at exactly the right time. It is true that we may refuse to learn. We may break our pencils and put our heads on our earthly-classroom desks. We may resist His teaching and inviting. But He is a perfect Teacher. He knows how to motivate reluctant students. He is even willing to wait patiently when we are stubborn and contrary. While we will learn far more when we are willing students, God knows how to accomplish His work. He will teach us and bless us as much as we are willing to receive.

It is worth noting that His goal is not to force us to be like Him. His goal is to help us become all we are willing to become. And God is gloriously able to do that work.

“For he will give unto the faithful line upon line, precept upon precept; and I will try you and prove you herewith” (D&C 98:12). He is determined to get us through mortal graduation fully developed–having filled the measures of our creation.

So I have begun to think that all regrets show a lack of faith in God. He knows how to do His work. He knows how to save His children. I should be grateful for everything He places in my life.

“And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious” (D&C 78:19, emphasis added).

We should not presume that we know our needs better than He does. We should receive all things with thankfulness.

Yesterday I was studying a new, research-based program that promises to reduce stress and increase joy. Of course the developers of the program would not give the details unless a person signed up for the $299 course. I look forward to learning their key ideas–even if I do not buy the full training. I expect that their best recommendations will only reflect what the Lord has already taught us.

The Lord has provided a program that will reduce stress and increase joy. It can be summarized with 10 of His words: “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not” (D&C 6:36). We are instructed to avoid doubt and fear. We are invited to focus our thoughts on Him. That is a proven formula.

This fits well with Candleman and Charmaine’s keen observations. Thanks for all who have shared on this topic.

You’ve probably heard that the natural man is an enemy to God. (While there is less evidence to support the idea, it is probably true that the natural woman is also an enemy to God.) If we are not changed by the Spirit of God, we are enemies to goodness. We always have been and always will be (see Mosiah 3:19).

This “natural” tendency clearly applies to our behavior. We are inclined to be self-serving and self-centered. We “go crushing blossoms without end” (Edward Sill).

The natural tendency seems also to apply to human thinking. Just as my tongue cannot resist caressing a broken tooth even when it clearly is cutting up my tongue, so human minds will not leave alone the idea or feeling that disturbs them. Our natural way of thinking makes us enemies to God.

Anger is a good example. We tend to process our grievances endlessly. I cannot say it any better than Frederick Buechner said it:

Of the seven deadly sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back—in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you” (Frederick Buechner, 1993, Wishful Thinking, Harper & Row).

Recent research clearly shows that being angry or hostile magnifies our risk of heart problems. The Lord does not recommend anger. He has warned “that whosoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of his judgment” (3 Nephi 12:21).

Worry is another example of “natural” thinking. We love to worry about all those things that seem to be national epidemics—based on the news. Dr. Leonard Sigal has perceptively written:

Lyme disease, although a problem, is not nearly as big a problem as most people think. The bigger epidemic is Lyme anxiety (New York Times, http://www.newyorktimes.com, Wednesday, June 13, 2001).

School shootings are another area of exaggerated concern.

71 percent of people responding to an NBC/Wall Street Journal poll believed that a school shooting was likely in their community. In reality, there is a one in 2 million chance of being killed in a school shooting (May, 2001. “News Distorts Youth, Reports Say.” Youth Today, 10, (5), p. 6.).

Air safety is a popular arena for fear.

In the entire history of commercial aviation, dating back to 1914, fewer than 13,000 people have died in airplane crashes. Three times that many Americans lose their lives in automobile accidents in a single year. The average person’s probability of dying in an air crash is about 1 in 4 million. . . . A person is ten times more likely to die in his or her bathtub than in an airplane accident” (Barry Glassner (1999). The culture of fear. New York: Basic Books.).

The media put a magnifying glass on problems. Or maybe it is a telescope. A problem with miniscule probabilities soon eclipses everything else. But this is not a new human tendency. Parley P. Pratt is reported to have said that the Mormon pioneers suffered more from worry about hunger than they ever suffered from actual hunger.

It remains popular among humans to fret about the things we don’t have. It may be called envy, jealousy, coveting, or rivalry. “If I just made more money . . .”

Research suggests that having more money will not increase your happiness unless you have been going hungry. Money simply is not a source of happiness. In contrast, Csikszentmihalyi has suggested that optimal human experience happens when people challenge their abilities in some task. Whether it is a project at work or a hobby pursued at home, we can become so engaged in a task that we lose track of time. He calls it flow. Growth is better than wanting. Maybe that is why the Lord has recommended contribution over cash as the focus of our labors:

But the laborer in Zion shall labor for Zion; for if they labor for money they shall perish (2 Nephi 26:31).

As humans we act as if we believe that Woody Allen had accurately portrayed our options: “More than any time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”

The Lord’s prescription for latter-day panic is surprisingly simple: “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not” (D&C 6:36). What a remarkably focused formula. It is only by looking to Christ that we can deal with the desolating scourge of doubt and fear.

President Gordon B. Hinckley gave related counsel:

“I believe [the Lord] is saying to each of us, be happy. The gospel is a thing of joy. It provides us with a reason for gladness. Of course there are times of sorrow. Of course there are hours of concern and anxiety. We all worry. But the Lord has told us to lift our hearts and rejoice. I see so many people . . . who seem never to see the sunshine, but who constantly walk with storms under cloudy skies. Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “If Thou Art Faithful,” Ensign, Nov. 1984, 91–92).

For a nonbeliever, this may all look like denial. The world recommends that we study and confront problems. The Lord recommends that we let Jesus change the kind of people we are.

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father” (Mosiah 3:19).

Satan must laugh as he keeps us worried about all the wrong things. We worry about airline crashes more than listening to a troubled child; we fret about world conflict more than our home teaching; we worry about money more than about prayer.

Perhaps anxiety, fear, resentment, and envy are all distractions to keep us from the power that can both guide us and save us. We might pray as Fosdick did, “Fill us with Thyself, that we may no longer be a burden to ourselves” (The Meaning of Faith, p. 213).

If we were to create a caricature of the typical American commencement address, it would entail Famous Person X coming to say to a group of distracted students: “Take this one virtue (for which I am duly famous) and make it the theme of your life.” Many in the audience would immediately sense that we will never be as good as Dr. X at that great quality and feel mildly (but permanently) disheartened. Still, the press grabs snippets of the great counsel and splashes it on page A-1. Many are in awe of the insight. Few are changed by it.

My purpose is not to mock those accomplished souls who counsel our graduates. It is to argue for companionship, balance, and mutual respect among the virtues. No virtue by itself is sufficient.

For a contemporary example, William Bennett has lectured Americans about values for many of years. Lately he has gained additional renown for losing millions of dollars on gambling. He protests that nothing he did was illegal. Perhaps his millions lost in gambling would be considered only expensive recreation if each of those dollars were matched with a dollar given to charity. In the absence of a higher cause, his gambling losses appear to be a selfish addiction.

Honesty is often touted as if it were the ruling virtue and all others were only peasants. “I must be completely honest” is a common introduction to an unwelcome lecture or the prelude to a withering assault on another human. Honesty without respect is just self-righteousness.

I have learned many lessons about balance from my own mistakes. I left for a mission while still startlingly naïve. I had grown up among honest, sincere, considerate relatives in a family enclave in Emigration Canyon. Having grown up among such good people can be a major disadvantage when required to navigate among people who may be relatively opaque, even deceptive. As I became aware of my great lack of discernment, I began to pray for heaven’s help. I even went on preparation day to the community library to consult psychology texts (which is a sure evidence of my naiveté—thinking that psychology texts would help me understand normal human behavior). Unexpectedly, I found my mind filled with greater understanding of motives as I sought that information in support of my mission duties.

But there were thorns in the rosebush of my newfound insight: creeping cynicism. As I began to detect people’s hidden motives, I began to see the worst in human nature. Yet I knew that new insight should serve a higher cause than undermining human sympathy. So I began to pray for charity, that divine ability to see people sympathetically even redemptively. Discernment without charity is mere disparaging. As I have sought insight in balance with charity, I have been granted the gift of discernment promised in my patriarchal blessing.

Another example: the desire to help must be matched by wisdom and good sense. I have sometimes excused my faulty methods of helping with my good intentions. God asks us to be wise as serpents while being as harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16).

Balance is also necessary in learning. When asked by a student why some very bright people leave the Church, a respected teacher suggested that maybe it is possible to be too smart. While I love and admire that teacher, I recommend a different answer. When our smartness and knowledge is not matched with faith and humility, we are vulnerable to apostasy. “But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God” (2 Nephi 9:29). Knowledge needs faith as a companion.

When our scrupulousness in keeping the commandments is not matched with charity for those who may be less able or less spiritually mature, we become pharisaic. “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone” (Matthew 23:23).

The importance of balance is clearly evident in family life. When our skills at communication are not fully matched with a desire to bless, we become tyrants. When our desire to teach our children is not yoked and harmonized with a commitment to nurture them, we are only despots (D&C 121). When we nurture children without teaching true principles, we are not pleasing to the Lord (D&C 68:25).

Sometimes excellence has come to mean a narrow focus on a single quality. A solitary virtue is a very lonely, austere fact. Godly virtues travel with companions.

Add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity (2 Peter 1:5–7).

The focus on a single virtue to the exclusion of others can be very dangerous. Yet none of us is perfect. Our mortal qualities define our mortal limitations. We simply are not able to be everything we should be while still mortals. How can we reconcile the reality of our limitations with the need for balance?

Probably there is a place in each of our lives for three courses:

1. We can call on God for those essential qualities to do what we are called to do. He can enable us to do what is beyond our ability. Elder George Q. Cannon counseled the saints

If any of us are imperfect, it is our duty to pray for the gift that will make us perfect. Have I imperfections? I am full of them. What is my duty? To pray to God to give me the gifts that will correct these imperfections…. No man ought to say, “Oh, I cannot help this; it is my nature.” He is not justified in it, for the reason that God has promised to give strength to correct these things and to give gifts that will eradicate them…. That is the design of God concerning his children.” (Gospel Truth, vol. 1, p. 196)

The enthusiastic pray for temperance. The anxiously engaged seek humble submission. The creative beseech heaven for integrity and obedience.

2. We can draw on the strengths of those who are different from us. This is especially important in a marriage. While Nancy’s reflectiveness and sensitivity may be annoying when I am in a hurry, she regularly rescues me from self-serving rush. My mother’s exuberance radiated from my father’s tapestry of faith and peace. Our differences will bless us or afflict us depending upon our charity.

3. We wait patiently for that perfect day. Our work of growth simply will not be finished when we leave this world for the next. Yet we actively seek his refining influence.

That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day (D&C 50:24).

Life is intended to teach us that we simply cannot do what must be done without divine help. God can provide patience for the enthusiastic, a partner for the flawed, greater maturity for those who are earnest. We can look forward to that day in eternity when we will enjoy a fullness, when we reach the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (Ephesians 4:13). Until that welcome day, we are wise to seek balance and call upon divine grace.

A friend who had been raised as a Latter-day Saint once asked me why she felt so totally alive when she was involved in illicit sex. She apparently wondered why she didn’t feel miserable in the midst of sin as she thought she should. It is an intriguing question. The larger question might be, “Why is sin so often energizing while goodness often feels like struggling at piano lessons under the austere eye of Ms. Dour?”The promise of a great reward in some distant life is scant comfort. Many of us feel a gloomy dread at the prospect of meeting Father at the judgment bar. How can the perfect master be any more lenient than our mortal taskmasters? The best that can be hoped for in mortality is an uncomfortable resignation. The most we can hope for in eternity is a limited suffering and a modest reward.

Isn’t it only sensible to grab some pleasure along the way?

Satan uses bluster and lies to deceive us. Consider first the lessons of experience. Each of us can list pleasures that tug at us. Suppose we abandoned all restraint and indulged all those pleasures with absolute concentration (“total abandon” is the common and telling phrase). Imagine that, for the balance of mortality, we ate everything that looked appetizing, seized all sexual opportunities, and snatched all resources that came to hand, would our lives be better? Would we be happier? What does your experience say?

Not only have most of us had our experiments with spiritual irresponsibility, all of us know someone who has turned the experiment into a way of life. The oft-replicated result of those experiments is surprisingly consistent. No matter how skilled the experimenter, the result is thick darkness, soul-deep loneliness, and gnawing despair. Admittedly, for those who pursue the experiment half-heartedly, the result may be only partial misery but that misery is magnified by meaninglessness.

As Alma the younger, an early-in-life experimenter himself, wisely observed: “wickedness never was happiness” (Alma 41:10). It never was. It never will be. It never can be. It is contrary to the nature of happiness (see Alma 41:11).

Overeating brings acid reflux and soddenness. Immorality always brings gloom, loneliness, and relational fuzziness. Coveting brings shriveled focus and restless hunger. Wickedness may stimulate but it never satisfies. That is the answer to the friend’s question. “For ye have sought all the days of your lives for that which ye could not obtain; and ye have sought for happiness in doing iniquity, which thing is contrary to the nature of that righteousness which is in our great and Eternal head” (Helaman 13:38).

Sin is always a fool’s bargain. Just as cocaine energizes our pleasure circuits, it also destroys them. So also all forms of sin. Satan offers thrills but delivers addiction and desolation.

Sometimes we make the mistake of seeing God’s prescriptions as arbitrary dig-a-hole-here-and-fill-it-in-to-kill-time-and-to- make-me-feel-powerful exercises. That misjudges the Creator. It is His work, His glory, His joy, His only purpose to bless us. His great plan of happiness is designed to redeem us—not so we can be factory workers in heaven but so we can be filled with joy, partners in an eternal adventure with Him. Our wildest imaginations cannot comprehend what God has in store for those who love and trust Him. “Ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you” (D&C 78:17).

His “commandments” are simply the course to greatest joy. He charts the most direct path from where we are to the place of greatest growth, peace, usefulness, and satisfaction.

When one’s growth is presided over by One who is perfectly wise, perfectly loving, and perfectly committed to our well being, we may be fully confident. We may enjoy the peace of knowing that our limitations do not (cannot) put us beyond the reach of His saving power.

That Jesus who “is able to do his work,” testifies that “he doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him” (2 Nephi 27:21, 26:24).

It won’t do to say we believe in Him while chafing and fidgeting against His purposes. To know Him is to trust Him.

Sometimes the journey seems too hard. Brigham Young compared the “sacrifices” we make to giving up an old, battered coat.

I have heard a great many tell about what they have suffered for Christ’s sake. I am happy to say I never had occasion to. I have enjoyed a great deal, but so far as suffering goes I have compared it a great many times … to a man wearing an old, worn‑out, tattered and dirty coat, and somebody comes along and gives him one that is new, whole and beautiful. This is the comparison I draw when I think of what I have suffered for the Gospel’s sake—I have thrown away an old coat and have put on a new one. No man or woman ever heard me tell about suffering… I have been growing better and better all the time, and so have this people (Discourses of Brigham Young, p. 348).

A new coat. Warmth. Comfort. A fitting metaphor for wholly putting on our covenants. We do not have to carry the burdens of sin or the boredom of unrelenting emptiness. When we turn our lives over to God, we are encircled and comforted in the arms of His love (see 2 Nephi 1:15).

Maybe the fundamental lie in all of eternity is that Satan is a fun-loving, decent sort of fellow. While he may get us in some minor mischief, he will show us a good time and we will be dusted off when we get home. Satan does not want us to know that he is not only a liar and a cheat but also cruel and heartless. He is totally indifferent to our well-being. In fact, he has a strong preference for seeing us suffer, even those who are his “loyal” subjects. “Satan shall be their father, and misery shall be their doom” (Moses 7:37).

The fundamental truth in all eternity is that Father wants nothing for us but our greatest happiness. His whole purpose is to bless all of us to the very limit of our capacity. “Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 255).

Satan wants very much to keep us from the reassuring truth of God’s good will. That evil one knows that if we discover God’s desire to bless us, evil will lose its allure.

All of us who have felt the heartache of sin and the joy of goodness know that it is better (more meaningful, satisfying, purposeful, and rewarding) to wash dishes in God’s house than to party in Satan’s. The next time that lust, anger, and coveting call to us, we may recognize Satan’s lie. We may choose life over death, joy over stimulation.

Whatever the reputed “rewards of sin,” they are fool’s gold. They cannot compare with the blessings of discipleship. May we find joy in being led through mortality and on to Eternity by our Perfect Friend.

I should have known better than to tell Nancy that short-notice speaking invitations are a great opportunity for Heavenly Father to show His remarkable teaching ability. As I walked into Gospel Essentials class, I got my opportunity to test the statement. “The teacher is sick. Do you want to teach?”

So we had an invocation, a few minutes for people to share recent blessings and miracles, and I went to the board and wrote a question: “What is the key to perfection?” I clarified the question: “If you could use one word to describe the pivot point, the central issue, the essential focus for our perfection, what would that word be?”

Our class that day was a wonderful blend of full-time missionaries (both elders and sisters), new converts, Gospel Doctrine expatriates, and fellowshippers. In one corner of the room an elder translated the lesson for a sweet older woman who spoke only Spanish. In a chair facing the front row was a woman signing for a man who could not hear.

Our answer to the question about perfection captures our implicit theory of spiritual transformation. Sometimes our theories are clearly thought out; sometimes they are a jumble of old Sunday lessons, scripture phrases, and theological rumors.

The class promptly made several nominations: Constancy. Obedience. Self mastery. Discipline. Love. Charity. My wife. Faith. Hope. Humility. Prayers. Those are the answers just as they were given in class (though the “wife” one had a specific name). All of them are creditable answers. It was the twelfth answer that matched my nominee. Elder Myers said: “Jesus.”

Jesus. The answer to every important spiritual question. The beginning and end of all meaning. The light and life of every person in the world. While each of the first answers has an important place, which of them has power without Jesus? Which of them can save without his infinite and eternal Atonement?

We turned to Alma the younger as a test case. He and his companions were among the vilest of sinners (Mosiah 28:4). He was a “very wicked and an idolatrous man” (Mosiah 27:8). He “had murdered many of [God’s] children, or rather led them away unto destruction” (Alma 36:14).

Right in the heart of the Book of Mormon is the great story of Alma’s transformation. That great story captures the central theme of that great book. The account told in Mosiah 27 is told by the elder Alma and is focused on the younger’s effect on the church and the prayers in his behalf. Alma the younger tells his own account late in life after years of inspired reflection and careful structuring. It is addressed to his beloved son, Helaman. It is magnificent Hebrew poetry and perfect Christian theology. All of the elements of the Christian’s journey are captured.

Alma was confronted with the truth. He realized his own despicable state. Examine his expressive language: “eternal torment . . . harrowed up . . . racked with all my sins . . . tormented with the pains of hell . . . inexpressible horror . . . become extinct . . . pains of a damned soul . . . racked with torment . . . harrowed up.” Alma felt keenly his spiritual destitution.

“So then faith cometh by hearing the word of God” (to paraphrase Paul in Romans 10:17). Alma faintly remembered those childhood lessons planted by his father: “I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world” (Alma 36:17). Thank heaven for those faintly remembered lessons! Sometimes it is only those threads of recollection that keep us from sliding into lasting darkness.

“O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me” (Alma 36:18). Those few words changed everything. When Alma unreservedly threw himself on the merits, mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, he was renewed.

“Joy . . . marvelous light . . . joy . . . sweet as was my joy . . . I saw God . . . exceedingly great joy.”

It might well be asked, how could Alma enjoy such heavenly manifestation when he was wicked? Didn’t he need years of repentance to set himself right with God? The answer is simple. When we throw our souls open to Christ, he cleanses us. Anything he touches is purified. When we are clean, we can experience marvelous manifestations of the Divine.

Alma’s transformation was clearly soul-deep. Alma spent the balance of his life after that day of transformation spreading the good news of redemption.

If we take too much responsibility for our own improvement or fail to let Him reign, we make ourselves the gods of our lives. That is clearly idolatry. While we must do all that we are able to do, we must never presume to have power to save. As we labor to make ourselves better, we do well to remember that only He can make us into something godly. As President Benson observed, “the world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature” (Ezra Taft Benson, “Born of God,” Ensign, July 1989, p. 4).

I love Alma. I love his great exuberance that led him into youthful folly but ultimately left a lasting imprint on Christianity when he turned to good. I love his keen mind that paints vivid pictures of the mortal struggle. I love his rejoicing spirit that recognizes God’s goodness in everything.

Alma’s statement to his son, Shiblon, captures the essential message of salvation:

“And now, my son, I have told you this that ye may learn wisdom, that ye may learn of me that there is no other way or means whereby man can be saved, only in and through Christ. Behold, he is the life and the light of the world. Behold, he is the word of truth and righteousness” (Alma 38:9).

Some time ago I was invited into a meeting to evaluate a new time- and life-management product developed by a prominent management company. I listened to the lively discussion among a score of bright people for a couple of hours. There were a few assumptions that seemed to undergird their discussion of time management and self-improvement.

1. Every person fares in this life according to his or her management. If I can become a better manager I can overcome my weaknesses and become a better, more productive person.
2. Every person prospers according to his genius. If we are to succeed, we must use our heads.
3. Every person conquers according to his strength. I need to rally my willpower. I need to dispatch waste and maximize good.

Such statements are virtually articles of faith among business consultants. They seem also to be woven into our personal processes of self-improvement. They are just common sense. I believe that the statements are as cherished by most Latter-day Saints as they are by people in the secular world. That should cause us keen discomfort. Those statements were warmly endorsed by Korihor, the antichrist.

And many more such things did he say unto them, telling them that there could be no atonement made for the sins of men, but [every man fared in this life according to the management of the creature]; therefore [every man prospered according to his genius], and that [every man conquered according to his strength]; and whatsoever a man did was no crime (Alma 30:17, emphasis added).

It could be argued that Korihor had woven in true doctrine along his path to false conclusions. But if those are true principles of change, they should show up throughout the rest of the Book of Mormon and all scripture. Neverthless, the scriptures recommend a different process of change. Notice the process that Alma describes and recommends to his son, Helaman.

And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death” (Alma 36:17–18).

Alma was transformed from intolerable misery to inexpressible joy. He went from dreading the divine face-off to longing to be in the arms of heaven. He went from impenetrable darkness to marvelous light. His mighty change hinged on giving up self-sufficiency and throwing himself entirely on the merits and mercy of Jesus. Time management may give us a well-ordered life. Submission to Jesus provides us cleansing, transformation, and eternal life.

Are the lessons of Alma’s experience obscure, applying only to vile sinners? I looked to the Book of Mormon for answers. I studied King Benjamin, whose seemingly righteous people responded to his unequivocal statement of nothingness and dependence on God with a statement much like Alma’s.

And they had viewed themselves in their own carnal state, even less than the dust of the earth. And they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things; who shall come down among the children of men” (Mosiah 4:2).

There is that plea almost identical to Alma’s, “O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me.” As I continued to explore, the Book of Mormon provided a whole chorus of testimonies. Ammon had never dared suppose that One would have been merciful enough to snatch him and his companions from their awful, sinful, and polluted state (Alma 26:17). Nephi was transformed from self-hating misery to joyful celebration because he knew in whom he had trusted (2 Nephi 4:19). Lehi summed his life as being redeemed from hell and encircled eternally in the arms of divine love (2 Nephi 1:15). At the other end of this amazing volume is Moroni’s invitation to come unto Christ and be perfected in Him (Moroni 10:32).

The more I studied the Book of Mormon the more I saw that it is relentless in its testimony that we must turn from our self-sufficient ways to Jesus, our only hope.

And moreover, I say unto you, that there shall be no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby salvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent (Mosiah 3:17).

Of course the same doctrine is taught in all scripture. One of the most dramatic examples is the Savior’s own counterintuitive definition of righteousness. He contrasted the self-made man, the Pharisee, with the detested publican who was swamped with his own inability to be what he yearned to be.

And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.

I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted” (Luke 18:13).

So Alma has given us a pattern for spiritual renewal—do his lessons also apply to practical life planning? The more I studied the scriptures the more I realized that this process applied to all activities of life. Amulek invites us to cry for mercy from sunup to sundown, in our fields and over our flocks, in secret and in public (Alma 34:17–26). The ancients may have been tempted to think that God had nothing to teach them about watering crops and tending fields; the modern presumption is that God may not be fully informed on profits and losses, NASDAQ and Dow Jones, management and motivation. Such moderns are mistaken. He knows.

When I was serving as a bishop, a new member of the ward approached me after sacrament meeting and asked for an interview. We made an appointment for that afternoon. At the appointed time she came. We prayed together. Then she launched into the tragedy of her life. She told of abuse and immorality and ugliness and betrayal that stretched from her childhood to her current life. I sat with a peaceful façade but inner horror and disbelief. I had never heard such a tale of awfulness. What could I tell her? How could her life ever be straightened out? What hope could she ever have of healthy relationships and a productive life? She had never been more than a marginal Mormon and she had no apparent resources. It almost seemed that suicide was her only hope.

The dreaded moment came. “Bishop, what can I do?” I was amazed to hear myself saying, “There are three things the Lord would have you do.” I had no idea what those three things were. I took a blank piece of paper from the desk drawer and said, “Number 1 is . . . “ and the Lord dictated the first item of hopeful and specific counsel. In like manner the Lord dictated the second and third items. We discussed them and sent her on her way with a hope she had never before known.

After she left the office, I closed the door behind her and fell to my knees. “Lord, I didn’t know. I just didn’t know how much you love your children. I had no idea that you could make something fine out of the mass of confusion that is our lives. I didn’t know.”

That is His greatest miracle. He can make us divine. I no longer remember the three items of instruction that He gave me that day. But He has continued to teach me His model of life management, which is very different from the wisdom of the world.

1. Growth and renewal are less about setting goals than submitting to His will.

A friend observed that he saw more planners than scriptures at his high council meeting. “Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord”(Jeremiah 17:5). We are not to trust in the arm of flesh even when that flesh is our own.

The scriptures are packed with prophets who mapped out a plan only to find that their ways were not God’s ways. From Elijah to Joseph Smith, sacred history is full of surprises. Often He would have us have no goals nor objectives except to discover His will and do it. He does expect us to be wise. But the great tendency of humans is to replace His leadership of our lives with our own. As my friend Rebekah says, “God is a lot better at being God than I am.”

Jesus was approached by a man who wanted Him to intercede in the division of an inheritance. In response Jesus told the parable of the foolish man who built more barns to accommodate his wealth and go into semi-retirement. But his narrow concern about his needs made the act foolish in God’s economy and timetable.

But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided?

So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God” (Luke 12:20–21).

That teaching sets the context for Jesus’ teaching of his disciples: “And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on” (Luke 12:22).

The “take no thought” commandment appears several times in the New Testament. It appears to have special application to those in the ministry. But the bulk of scripture suggests that we would do well to attend to His will, to be guided by Him in all things. Our planning and goal setting can get in the way of His customized curriculum for us.

“Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day” (Alma 37:37).

2. Growth and renewal are less about fixing ourselves than being fixed by Him.

For Americans steeped in do-it-yourself and self-help, this may be the biggest challenge of all. In fact, I wonder if Father has blessed the Latter-day Saints with the Book of Mormon to help balance our American self-sufficiency. The doctrine of the Book of Mormon is very different from the American idea that we can fix anything with a little bubble gum, bailing wire, and determination.

Many of us come to salvation with the attitude that we can schedule our growth. We will work very hard to push sin out of our lives and, in those few areas where we need some extra help, He will add the finishing touches. But in scripture He invites us to yield, submit, and be made perfect by Him. Maybe the great passage in the Doctrine and Covenants suggests a true balance:

Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully [The Lord loves a cheerful giver!] do all things that lie in our power [We believe in Him. Across our whole lives we keep trying in spite of our persistent weakness.]; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God [He does the saving.], and for his arm to be revealed [In fact He is in charge of all miracles, including the miracle of growth.]” (D&C 123:17).

A planner can be addictive, giving us a false sense of own power. A planner must never keep us from being available to Him—that is faith. Our only goal is to move toward Him—that is repentance. Then He keeps cleansing and refining us. He alone can make us into the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (Ephesians 4:13).

The great danger of being talented is that we may almost be able to sustain the fiction that we are doing quite well. Jesus’ appreciation for the untalented, the sinners, and the cripples was more than compassion for their difficult plight; He cherished their humility. When we get humble, He can do miracles with us.

3. Growth and renewal are less about using psychology (and management and finance and . . .) than about using covenants.

We may be inclined to trust an M.B.A. from Harvard or a Ph.D. from U.C.L.A. more than the Lord. Does He really know about such modern, technical, and sophisticated things as business, science, and psychology?

Cursed is he that putteth his trust in man, or maketh flesh his arm, or shall hearken unto the precepts of men, save their precepts shall be given by the power of the Holy Ghost (2 Nephi 28:31).

When we are tempted to sign on with some money-making scheme “in order to be of greater service in the church,” we are probably deceiving ourselves.

In ancient times the people wondered whether God could make any contribution to war and agriculture. Some things never change. We are tempted to be condescending toward God in our areas of “expertise.” The Book of Mormon reminds us at least a dozen times that we must submit to God’s commandments if we are to prosper in the land.

Using our narrow definition of prosper we may believe that doing our part in the Church will assure us wealth. But God thinks of “prospering” in a broader context. Consecrating our lives to Him guarantees us peace in this life and riches in eternity. There are many things that we focus on and fret about that God does not seem to care about. We do well to be concerned about only those things that He is concerned about. He can make us rich and powerful—if it will be a blessing to us.

Sometimes we are not so far from the Calvinists, who believed that prosperity was the evidence of God’s approbation. But God teaches us that we do well to center on obedience rather than bonuses. He invites us to travel in faith rather than conspiring for a finer car. He invites us to share with all rather than building more houses and barns. Certainly He would have us be honest and provident. But He knows that consecration has power to secure kingdoms while IRA’s only buy RV’s.

The central test of this life is whether we will turn to Him in all things. I am just naive enough to believe that, if I focus my life on learning His will and doing it, He will not only provide me blessings in eternity, He will also guide my career, help me with home repairs, and put manna on our table. Our test is everlastingly the same.

And he did straiten them in the wilderness with his rod; for they hardened their hearts, even as ye have; and the Lord straitened them because of their iniquity. He sent fiery flying serpents among them; and after they were bitten he prepared a way that they might be healed; and the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished” (1 Nephi 17:41).