Here’s a great idea …

In his book, The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt says, “Finding fault with yourself is the key to overcoming the hypocrisy and judgmentalism that damage so many valuable relationships. The instant you see some contribution you made to a conflict, your anger softens-maybe just a bit, but enough that you might be able to acknowledge some merit on the other side.”

In other words …

When we find ourselves in an argument with someone, be it a neighbor, a spouse, or a co-worker, we often become very narrow-minded and can only see things our way. Our views become polarized, placing us entirely in the right and others entirely in the wrong. However, when we take a step back and try to look at the situation objectively, we may be able to see some part we have played in adding to the conflict. This can start to open the door to resolving disagreements and mending relationships.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life …

The next time you have a disagreement with someone, pause. Take a few moments to calm down. When you are feeling more peaceful, look at the situation again, finding the ways that you have contributed to the situation’s unpleasantness. This will help soften your rigid view of the other person so that you can work towards a solution.

To find out more …

about personal well-being, check out The Personal Journey or Managing Stress programs at arfamilies.org, follow us at facebook.com/navigatinglife,or contact your local county Extension agent. You can also read Haidt’s The Happiness Hypothesis.

Are you someone your children can count on?

Here’s a great idea …

In their book, Everyday Blessings, Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn say, “When a child, no matter how old, feels our acceptance, when he feels our love, not just for his easy-to-live-with, lovable, attractive self, but also for his difficult, repulsive, exasperating self, it feeds him and frees him to become more balanced and whole. Children can face all sorts of difficulties and challenges if they can come back to the well of our unconditional love.”

In other words …

Our love is the base from which our children venture out into the world. When our children know that they will be loved even when they make mistakes, they will be braver and more resilient. They will become stronger people.

How you can use this idea to have a better life …

The next time your child does something that makes you hopping mad, see it as an opportunity to be the safe place for your child. Of course you may provide consequences and discussion in due time, but your acceptance and love assures your child that he or she is safe while learning and growing.

To find out more …

about parenting, check out The Parenting Journey or See the World Through My Eyes programs at arfamilies.org, follow us at facebook.com/navigatinglife,or contact your local county Extension agent. You can also read Everyday Blessings.

Here’s a great idea …

In their book, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, Patricia Love and Steven Stosny say, “We’re giving you a tall order: Be at your best when your partner is at his or her worst.” (p. 110)

In other words …

When our partners are upset, we may be tempted to get drawn into a battle. Rather than fight our partners, we can bring peace.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life …

The next time your partner is upset with you or life, resist the urge to defend yourself or argue. Look at your partner. Ask yourself how you can connect rather than withdraw, protect rather than attack, and reassure rather than undermine. Try it. You may find that it brings surprisingly positive results.

To find out more…

about couple relationships, check out The Marriage Garden program at arfamilies.org, follow us at facebook.com/navigatinglife,or contact your local county Extension agent. You can also read Love and Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.

Here’s a great idea …

In his book, Authentic Happiness, Martin Seligman says, “Insufficient appreciation and savoring of the good events in your past and overemphasis of the bad ones are the two culprits that undermine serenity, contentment, and satisfaction.”

In other words …

We all tend to dwell on the negative in our lives and overlook the good. This naturally leads to a life of restlessness, discontent, and unhappiness. If instead we make consistent efforts to notice and appreciate what went well, we will experience more joy.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life …

Start a gratitude journal. Through the day, scribble reminders of the things that have gone well-maybe a new insight, a fun conversation, or a lovely snack. Before you go to bed each night, be sure you’ve written down at least two things that went well. As you dose off, reflect on the best times of your day.

To find out more …

about personal well-being, check out The Personal Journey or Managing Stress programs at arfamilies.org, follow us at facebook.com/navigatinglife,or contact your local county Extension agent. You can also read Authentic Happiness.

A Great Idea …

“The best way to help a teenager develop a broader range of empathy is to help provide a consistent experience of being understood and empathized with.” (Stanley I. Greenspan, in his book, The Secure Child, p. 43)

In Other Words …

Teenagers need our compassion and understanding just as much as younger children do. When they are independent or argumentative, it may be harder for us to give understanding to them. Yet when we are quick to criticize our teens, especially before completely hearing them out, they will be less willing to share with us. They will also have a harder time practicing the empathy that we have not modeled for them.

How This Applies to You …

Make time to be with your teenager this week. Before you get together, think about the things that are happening in his or her life. Think about your teen’s interests and concerns. Then, when you get together, listen with your whole self. Try to feel what your teen feels. The more empathy and understanding you show your teenager, the closer you will be and the more your child will develop empathy for others.

To Find Out More …

For more great ideas (or to share your ideas), visit our Navigating Life’s Journey blog.

For an excellent (and free!) program on parenting, see The Parenting Journey at www.arfamilies.org and, if you have children less than 6 years of age, check out See the World Through My Eyes.

For more in-depth reading, we recommend The Secure Child by Stanley I. Greenspan or Between Parent and Teenager by Haim Ginottwhich can be found online at www.betweenparentandchild.com

A Great Idea …

“Many relationship problems aren’t truly ‘problems’ at all; they are facts of life. If you label something as a problem, you imply that it has a solution. If you label it a fact of life, you understand that you simply need to learn to live with it.” (Susan Page, in her book, Why Talking is Not Enough, p. 57)

In Other Words …

When our partners have habits or personality traits that we don’t like, we may think that we can “fix” our partners and make them act in ways we think they should. They reality is that about 70% of what we don’t like about our partner will never change. If we choose to accept our partners as they are and enjoy their strengths, we will find greater satisfaction and contentment in our relationships.

How This Applies to You…

What aspects of your partner or relationship bother you? Can you accept those things? Try to focus your thoughts and attention on the qualities you enjoy in your partner and relationship instead of dwelling on the irritations.

To Find Out More…

For more great ideas (or to share your ideas) check out the Navigating Life’s Journey blog

For an excellent (and free!) program on marriage, see The Marriage Garden at Arkansas Families.

For an excellent book focused on marriage, read Why Talking is Not Enough by Susan Page or The Marriage Garden by H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall.

A Great Idea …

“Children experience frustration and resentment when parents seem uninterested in how they feel and in their point of view. Parents can initiate favorable changes in their children by listening with sensitivity.” (Child psychologist, Haim G. Ginott, in his book Between Parent and Child, p. 83)

In Other Words …

Very few things get us more upset than when we feel like we are being blown off or ignored. The same is true of our children. When our children don’t feel that we are listening to them, they may act out even more in an attempt to be taken seriously.

How This Applies to You …

Listen attentively to your child. Face the child. Notice how he or she is speaking. Try to understand what the child is feeling. Express your understanding: “Wow! That was hard!” “You must have been upset.” Keep listening. Your child is likely to feel safe, to feel valued, and even to find solutions to challenges as you show earnest interest.

To Find Out More …

For more great ideas (or to share your ideas), visit our Navigating Life’s Journey blog.

For an excellent (and free!) program on parenting, see The Parenting Journey at www.arfamilies.org and, if you have children less than 6 years of age, check out See the World Through My Eyes.

For more in-depth reading, we recommend Between Parent and Child by Haim G. Ginott.

A Great Idea …

“If you simply pretend to be extraverted when you’re with others-that is, if you act bold, talkative, energetic, active, assertive, and adventurous-no matter what your natural inclinations are, you’ll extract more positivity from those social exchanges.” (Barbara Frederickson, in her book, Positivity, p. 191)

In Other Words …

Most of us feel shy or want to withdraw from others sometimes. Yet, if we treat people as if they were friends, they often become friends. And we enjoy happiness as the fortunate side-effect.

How this Applies to You …

The next time you are tempted to withdraw from a group or person, make a special effort to be sociable and cheerful. You can always ask, “What’s the most interesting thing you’ve done today?”

To Find Out More …

For more great ideas (or to share your ideas), check out our Navigating Life’s Journey blog

For excellent (and free!) programs on improving your personal well being, check out Managing Stress and The Personal Journey at www.arfamilies.org.

For more information, we recommend Positivity by Barbara Frederickson or The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky.

A Great Idea …

“One of the reasons it’s important to spend time with your child is that you never know when he is going to open up and tell you what’s going on in his life.” (Laurence Steinberg, in his book, The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting, p. 48)

In Other Words …

We often pepper our children with questions: “What did you do in school today?” or “How are your friends?” or “How did you do on your test?” We hope to connect with our children, but we want to do it quickly. However, there is no way to compress relationship conversation into fly-by encounters. If we want to know what’s happening in our children’s lives, we need to have relaxed time together-whether playing, working on a project, or going shopping. When our children have unhurried and enjoyable time with us they are more likely to let us into their worlds.

How This Applies to You …

Adjust your pace to spend happy time with your child. Rather than rushing through time together or fretting about your next task, relax into leisurely time with your child. Follow your child’s interests. Enjoy your child as he or she explores the world. Be together.

To Find Out More …

For more great ideas (or to share your ideas), visit our Navigating Life’s Journey blog.

For an excellent (and free!) program on parenting, see The Parenting Journey at www.arfamilies.org and, if you have children less than 6 years of age, check out See the World Through My Eyes.

For more in-depth reading, we recommend The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting by Laurence Steinburg or Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott.

A Great Idea …

“We will never have lives without challenges. We would probably be bored if we did! The surprise is that we have more control than we realize. We don’t have to give up. We can call on our resources and change the way we think about our challenges. When life gives us lemons, we can squeeze them and make lemonade, or lemon meringue pie, or frosted lemon cookies! What we do with our challenges is up to us.” (Family Life Professors, H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall, in their publication, Managing Stress)

In Other Words …

When we face stressful situations we can view them as terrible events that tear us down or as opportunities to help us learn and grow. When we rally our resources and tune our thinking to positive possibilities, we turn our challenges into blessings.

How this Applies to You …

When challenges arise, take them as an opportunity. Inventory your resources and start looking for silver linings. Try it. This is a proven formula for dealing with stress.

To Find Out More …

For more great ideas (or to share your ideas), check out our Navigating Life’s Journey blog

For excellent (and free!) programs on improving your personal well being, check out Managing Stress and The Personal Journey at www.arfamilies.org.

For more information, we recommend The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky or Authentic Happiness by Martin E. P. Seligman.